Adoption Update…Waiting

We recently got news that our “referral” from China has been delayed again.  We were originally hoping for a “fly to China date” in late fall of 2007, but then it got pushed to the winter of 2008 and now we are facing a date in the summer of 2008.  However, going by the increased waiting times each month, we figure it’ll be more like November of 2008 or later.  It was disheartening, to say the least, and we thought maybe we’d need to check into other options.  We prayed and talked and looked into other countries and found we are only eligible to adopt (our choice of younger than 2 years) from Ethiopia with our current agency, but since we don’t feel called to that country, we’ll stay the course with China and wait our 2 years plus from our Log in Date of 11-6-06.  (Other countries are not only more expensive, but have lower age regulations and sometimes large amounts of time “in country” that we can’t afford.)   We’ve thought about trying to do a domestic adoption through another agency in the meantime, but I’m a bit weary and ragged right now when I think of another paperwork process and more expense (it feels too overwhelming) so we’ll see what the next month brings.  Guess we need to remember as Frank Peretti once said, “the wealth is in the waiting”…or at least the growth of character is.  It just doesn’t feel like it when you’re in the midst of it.

The next paperwork part of our China adoption will take place in November of 2007 when we’ll need to update our expired Home Study, Fingerprints, and our Immigration paperwork.  These deadlines have been pushed back in hopes that we won’t have to do them a third time before we fly to China.

As you think of us, we’d appreciate your continued prayers for us to grow in trust and submission to our heavenly Father, through this.  Thank you. 

We know that when we finally receive our daughter, the joy will be unspeakable and the frustrations and disappointments of the waiting time will have melted away.

Deciding to Become American…

From a post by myself over at Boar’s Head Tavern; a response to a racial discrimination conversation. 

Hi, my name is Kent. I’m an American guy from the state of Minnesota. My wife and I are trying to adopt a little girl from a place called China. We’re like a lot of other infertile couples; we just want a family. To some people we probably won’t look like a family because we won’t look alike. But we’ll be a family. I’m going to teach my daughter a lot about the country she came from, but mostly I’m going to teach her how to become an American. I’m pretty sure that sometime when I’m holding her we’ll compare the color of our skin; and I’m pretty sure hers will be darker than mine.

In what seems a long time from now we’re going to fly to China to pick her up. I’m planning to weep three times, but it might be more than that. I’m planning to weep when I first find her in my arms; I’m planning to weep when I’m standing on American soil in China getting her a passport and starting her on her journey to becoming an American; and I’m planning to weep when our plane lands in America.

I’m looking forward to all of this because it will remind me about what it means to be American; and because it will be a great story to tell my daughter so that she will know how she became an American. Some of us became Americans because we decided to, others because someone decided for us. I’m going to teach my daughter what it means to be an American so that she’ll understand why I’ll make this decision for her.

Painful News…

We’ve just received news from our adoption agency that the China Center for Adoption Affairs is continuing to increase the wait time (they have each month) because they can’t handle the demand for the number of referrals requested each month.  At this point, Kent and I won’t even receive a referral for a child until July of 2008 and that will likely increase by eight months or more before we get to our Log in Date of 11-6-06, going by the current increase in waiting times each month!

 We’re both deeply disappointed and (I for one am crying a lot today).  Basically, what this means for us is that we have to consider our options and possibly choose another country or something.  Kent’s age is becoming a bigger problem as we’ve hoped to adopt under 18 months and countries (on average) aren’t allowing more than a 45 year gap between child and parent.  (Kent is 47 this year.)  Even China has recently changed their standards in this area, but we were “grandfathered” in.  Not to mention the expenses are increasing each year and as the wait increases, more of our documents expire and have to be redone.

Please pray for us to understand God’s will and His direction.  We’re pretty heart broken right now.

The Sin of Relational Perfectionism…

I’m coming up on 2.5 years of being immersed in a missional Christian community and what’s more significant I’m soon surpassing my longest period of continuous employment since the mid 80’s.  I started to count in my head the number of employers I’ve worked for since my first job in 1977, and chose not to abuse myself by heading down such a discouraging quantification of my own dysfunction.

During the summer of 2004 I surpassed my father’s age at death, and found myself working a job that though honorable and a needed public service, was quite unchallenging.  I’d read Os Guinness’ The Call and Richard Boles’ What Color is Your Parachute in an effort to discern my own gifting and life’s direction…and the truth was that my vocation was opening up just around the next bend.

I had learned about me through both books and through loving, professional counsel that I needed to find something that I could 1.) be passionate about; that 2.) would challenge and immerse me; and that 3.) touched people.  One of the three times that God has spoken directly to me was to say that my “call” was to “pastor people“; He made it clear that I was not to seek the role of Pastor, but that I was to care for, teach and shepherd others.

The twelve or so years between then and now was a painful “seminary” and I’ve learned the value of pain and suffering.  The final struggle of these past few years here at SCS has been to accept imperfectionism in others.  I had for so long been so relationally protective because of all of the relational hurt I’d experienced during my growing up years.  My protectionism was in essence a coping skill; a coping skill that induced deep loneliness, a coping skill that became sin.

My sin could only be confessed, addressed and relinquished in the context of close Christian community with the help of loving brothers and sisters.  I silently expected others to be what I could never be and harshly judged them for their failure to meet my unspoken expectations.  I rejected their humanity and demanded that they accept mine; I was unfair and harsh.  Deliverance from sin is a joy indeed.

I’m finally a fit product for human consumption. 

Belongingness…

Laurie and I confessed to each other Sunday afternoon that we are very much enjoying the church we’ve attended these two Sundays past. The first Sunday I remarked to a friend (who’s a member) that it was the least offensive church I’d attended in a long time; this Sunday we experienced a sense of belonging-ness.

I ache for belonging.

We celebrate Passover this evening with friends at our home; and we are experiencing a winter storm warning. I’m not sure how those two facts are connected but experientially they do seem to go together.