We applied to the China program of America World Adoption Association this afternoon. We attended a seminar Friday evening and spent the day and evening yesterday pouring over the three agencies we had decided to choose from. I believe that any would have been great choices, but America World Adoption seemed a good fit size-wise. Large enough to have depth and small enough to receive personalized attention.
The whole process will take between twelve and eighteen months and will, due to the adoptive situation in China, most likely provide us with a daughter of between eight and fourteen months of age.
Them’s the facts, and as I read back over those few sentences I realize that my writing style is guarding my feelings. This has been a long, hard road that in many ways I’d become hopeless about. I’d not blogged much about it as I haven’t understood exactly where I was in the whole how-can-we-become-a-family-decision-making process. We tried infertility treatment, we tried waiting for healing, we tried life without children. It was hard and I had gotten to the point where I’d decided that it really wasn’t going to happen…especially when the infertility treatment started feeling like money poured down a toilet…still does as we’re still paying for it.
What is becoming heart-crushingly apparent to me right now is that it is quite likely that I will be able to experience fatherhood after all. For so many men it’s so simple, many don’t even really give a rip. It has been one of the most difficult things for me to actually appropriate as real.
I’ll plan to journalistically explore in the next few days why it did not feel possible that I would ever become a father, and to also share why that’s changed. If one were to look at my past record of blogging consistency one should not bother coming by for at least a month or two…maybe you have an RSS feed to my site and it doesn’t matter…you’ll get it when it happens. Otherwise come and visit, every now and then. There’s a lot of good stuff in the archives.
